Pimp Daddy Tonks
by Fiery Wordess
Summary: Yup, a heart-warming tale of sexy metamorph mages and their bosom buddies. And their belly-warmers. Not for the faint of stomach.
1. He nose

Pimp Daddy Tonks: A Hogwarts Tale

"Artemis Tonks Shacklebolt!  What in the name of a House-Elf is taking you so blasted long?!" The young metamorphic-mage's mother shouted up the stairs at him.  "I'm warning you, that train isn't going to wait around!"  

"Hold on, let me try one more nose!"  Artemis squeezed his eyes shut and felt the bones in his face reconstruct.  "Oh yes, I think this is the one I'll use!  It's quite dashing."  

"You'd better be _dashing_ down here or…."

"I'll be forced to call you Nymphadora?"  Artemis grinned as he apparated to the landing.

His mother couldn't restrain a smile beneath her presently shoulder-length striped purple hair.  Also a metamorphic-mage, she was constantly trying to find a suitable look.  

"I don't think I was ever as impudent as you are."  She said, grinning.

"I think you were."  Kingsley Shacklebolt strode over to his wife and put a muscular arm around his wife's shoulder.  "But I never imagined I would have such a son.  Then I married you so it was inevitable."  His voice rumbled.  

"That's a compliment, Mum."  Artemis Tonks Shacklebolt winked at his mother.  "All right-y, let's get this charming lad to platform 9 and three quarters!"  He offered an arm to his mother.  "Shall we?"

Artemis grinned at his mother through the train window.  She waved goodbye and held Kingsley's hand.  A. Tonks Shacklebolt rolled his eyes and returned to his seat.  His nearest and dearest called him Tonks.  He thought Shacklebolt was too long, Artemis was just stupid, but Tonks fit him just right.  This year, he had big plans.  It was his seventh and final year at Hogwarts and he knew exactly what needed to be done.

"Bring on the women."  He said to his friend Sirius Potter.  

Sirius grinned mischievously.  He had inherited his messy black hair from his father and his bright brown eyes from his mother, Ginny.  Next to him sat his cousin, Albus Weasley, son of Ron and Hermione.  He, like his father, had red hair, and like his mother, it was a fro.  Nobody called Albus by his proper name, everyone called him Afro Albus, which eventually faded into Fro.  The three of them had grown up together and had spent much of their adolescence ogling at Wanking Wizard magazine, photos of naked witches that had been enchanted to call their names.

A girl knocked on the door and came in.  

"Sorry boys, there's nowhere else to sit."  The girl sat down next to Tonks, who looked at her short, purple hair and was strongly reminded of his mother.  

"You're from America, aren't you?"  Fro asked.

"Yup."  She turned to look at Tonks.  "Say, you're a metamorph too!"  She clapped.

Tonks grinned.  He was sure that Sirius, Fro and he all shared one thought "endless possibilities."

In the present seventh grade class, there were six metamorphic mages, and now this girl.  Tonks was the only male metamorphic mage.  He had big plans for the other five.  

"What's your name?"  He asked the girl lazily.

"Reggie.  Short for Regina and if you even try to call me by that name I will beat you to within an inch of your life."  She flexed muscles that even metamorphic mages had to work towards.  

"Gotcha chicka."  Tonks winked.  "Where did you go before Hogwarts?"

"King George's Academy.  El parentos decided to move in my last year there.  So considerate."  She pulled a face.

"It's our last year too."  Sirius said, ruffling his hair, like his grandfather had been want to do.

"Is it now?  You Brits sure are tiny."

The three boys' mouths dropped.

"I'm just playing with you."  She pulled a book out of her bag.  "So, what are the teachers like?"

"What are you taking?"  Sirius asked.  He knew all of the teachers personally, as his father was Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

"Charms, Defense, Transfiguration, Potions, Astronomy, Care of Magical Creatures, and Arithmancy."

"Jeez, you're taking a lot."  Fro's eyes widened. 

"Professor Longbottom teaches Charms.  He's kind of forgetful, but he's nice enough."

"And just how long _is _his bottom?"

"Rather.  Professor Potter teaches Defense."

"Potter as in Harry Potter?"  

"Yup.  My dad.  The famous and talented Harry Potter."  Sirius grinned, loving the attention.

"Awesome.  So your dad killed old Dark Man.  That's gotta be a story worth hearing first person."

"If you can get him to tell it.  You're more likely to hear it from Professor Granger.  She teaches Transfiguration.  Professor Snape teaches Potions, he's getting old, but he's still a jerk.  Professor Sinistra teaches Astronomy.  She's not bad.  Professor Hagrid… he's really big, part-giant… teaches Creatures.  You'll like him.  And, actually, Professor Granger teaches Arithmancy too.  She doesn't get many breaks, that one."

"Who's head of the school?"

"Headmistress McGonagall.  Strict, nothing like Dumbledore apparently, but she's good."

"That's what counts."

"What house are you in?"

"No idea.  You?"

"We're all in Gryffindor, of course."  Fro said proudly.

"Yes, that was so obvious because I know everything psychically."  Reggie's voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"So you're going to be sorted today?"  Tonks' eyebrows lifted.

"Mmhmm."  She looked down at her book.

"Sucks to be you."  Tonks looked away.  

Reggie slowly looked up.  "Why?"

"Well, after McGonagall took up the throne… she may be a good teacher and all but she really likes her… what would you call it?"

"Tests."  Sirius continued seriously.  They had pulled this on countless first years, and all of them had gone into the Great Hall practically crying. 

"Oh, well then."  Reggie looked back down in her book.  "If you three could pass them, I'm sure I won't have a problem."

"Americans, so cocky."  Fro grinned.  

"You honestly think that I didn't know about the Sorting Hat?  Gods, I'm not totally ignorant.  My father went to Hogwarts with your parents, might I add."

"And who was he?"

"The biggest asshole that ever lived.  Draco Malfoy."                                 


	2. Greet 'em

The three boys exchanged dark glances.  If Reggie was the offspring of a Death Eater's son, then could she be any better?  Was this girl bound for Slytherin as all of her relatives had been?

She looked up with eyes that flashed gray for a moment.

"Look, I'm not like him.  I'm not going into Slytherin.  If the Hat even tries I will eat it or something.  My father is a jerk and if I could chose any other man to be father… I might even choose one of his friends.  They may be idiots, but they can be instructed."

"Well, no reason to judge offspring on their parents."  Sirius said brightly.  "Snape hated my father because of his father and that's what makes the world freeze."

"Does it now?"  Reggie seemed glad to get off of the topic of her dreadful father.  "Who knew?"

"If you had known you were sitting with us, the sons of your father's worst enemies, would you still have come?"  Fro asked curiously, biting the head off of a chocolate frog and withdrawing the card.  "Another one of your dad, Sirius.  Want it?"

"Nah."

"I probably would have been all the more eager to sit in here.  Can I have it?"  Reggie stretched out a hand for the card.  "Your dad is good-looking, isn't he?  Looks just like you, too.  Except for the eyes, you have someone else's eyes."

"Mum's."  Sirius grinned.  "I believe I am good-looking too."

Reggie didn't seem to care but read the back of the card.  "I've never collected, you know.  I'm not allowed, according to _mon père."  She rolled her eyes.  "Says it's childish."_

"What does he say about Voldemort?"  Sirius asked lazily.

Reggie looked close to vomiting.  "Says another will come one day.  'Just you wait, Regina, soon you will follow in my footsteps.'  I'd rather shoot myself."  

"Wouldn't you rather shoot him?"

"Certainly."  Reggie nodded.  "But enough of him.  What's Gryffindor House like?"

The three boys went onto explain how cool it was and how they hadn't lost the Quidditch or House Cup in twenty-three years.  

"Are you serious?"

"Yes I am."  Sirius grinned.

"Twenty-three years?  Gods, what are the other Houses doing?  Keeping a thumb lodged up their anus?"

"Yeah, pretty much."  Fro nodded.

"Jeez.  I almost hope to be in a different House just so Gryffindor will lose."

"You think you could make Gryffindor fail?"  Tonks' eyes gleamed. 

"No, but it would be wrong to hope for Gryffindor's downfall if I were a Gryffindor."

"That would be called blasphemy."  Fro nodded.  Someone banged on the door and there were hushed giggles.

"Come!"  Tonks said, straightening his robes and wiggling his eyebrows.  His mates grinned back at him.  Sirius ruffled his hair and Fro pushed his down.  Reggie frowned in confusion.  She squinted her eyes and her hair became less violet and more brown.  She tussled it slightly just as the door opened.  

About six girls were pushing their way in, giggling in a disgusting fawning sort of way.

"Hi Sirius."  A girl gushed, taking a seat next to him.  

"Tonks…."  A smaller girl blushed as she sat by him.  He wrapped an arm around her and another girl.  Fro's fro was being petted by three girls.  Reggie's countenance showed her apparent shock.  Obviously mildly sickened, she looked back down at her book and began scanning its pages intently.  

"What," a voice drawled slowly, "is going on in here?"  It was a dark-haired boy bearing a prefect badge and Slytherin badge on his robes.  

"Wotcha, Snape."  Tonks grinned tauntingly.

"Snape?"  Reggie asked.  "Not Professor Snape?"

"Certainly not."  Snape smirked.  "I am his son, and who might you be?  I've never seen you here.  Did they just hire you?"

"No," Reggie said coolly.  "I am here because I have to be, according to my parents, and there was nowhere else to sit."  

"You're a metamorphic-mage too."

"Yup."  Reggie studied him, from his black, well-groomed hair, to his fathomless eyes.  A smirk was permanently etched on his thin mouth and his muscles actually would have frightened Reggie a bit if not for the wand in her pocket.  

"Are you done, Sarthie-poo?  We don't quite enjoy your company as much as you enjoy ours."  Sirius' voice hinted boredom.  "And don't forget that I am a prefect as well."

"But are you Head Boy?"  Snape's mouth curled.

"Actually, no.  But neither are you.  It was that Derek Smith that got it."

"Oh so Gryffindor doesn't always get the victors.  How about that?"  Snape snorted and then walked off.

"He is so horrible to you!"  A girl simpered to Sirius.  "You should have been Head Boy."

"Well, you know McGonagall… she likes to give the other Houses a chance."

"Stick a cork in it, will you?"  Tonks grinned.  "You know your grades just don't compare to Smith's.  Smith is a genius and a good boy."  

"You, on the other hand, are neither."  Fro said.

"Well I never!"  Sirius put a hand to his chest in mock-surprise.                 


	3. Chow For Now

"Firs' years! Come this way!" Hagrid called out. He waved a badly scarred hand. They were wounds the last tragic battle against the Dark Lord. A couple of blast-ended skrewts had come to Hagrid's aid in a fit of loyalty and in the process bounced a spell onto Hagrid. His hands had never recovered and he had refused to have them treated.

"Where will you go?" Tonks asked a very disgruntled Reggie.

"With the damned first years," she stormed away.

"What's eating her?" Fro asked.

"Who knows?" Sirius yawned. "Cripes, I'm hungry."

"Yeah. Let's get back for some chow." Fro clapped his hands together and the three friends traipsed over to the thestral-drawn carriages. The three friends clambered inside and leaned back against the seats.

"Man, this year's gonna rock," Fro said dreamily. "How many girls do you expect we can recruit?"

"Dunno," Tonks shrugged, glancing out the window towards the huddled first years. Reggie towered above them with her arms crossed and a sour look on her face.

"I'd say at least twenty," Fro tried.

"You're not just an optimist," Sirius rolled his eyes, "you're bloody delusional."

The carriage began to roll towards the castle.

"Obviously they'll all be in our year, and the metamorph mages I think are a good bet," Sirius continued. "Suzie, Danika and Elaine I think might also do it, but that's about it."

"Eight, twenty, same difference," Fro scratched his jaw.

"Nine, if you count Reggie Malfoy," Sirius said grinning. "Mad sexy, that one."

Tonks frowned. "I don't know. I can't see her doing that sort of thing."

"Why?" Fro and Sirius chimed.

"Did either of you pay any attention to her?"

"She was about a B-cup, slender-waist, probably has washboard abs, killer ass…shapely calves and thighs…." Sirius's eyes glazed over.

Tonks laughed. "You moron, that's not what I meant. Sheesh, if your mum could hear you talk…."

"I'd rather have Mrs. Potter hear that than _my _mum," Fro said darkly. "If she knew our plans for the bordello…."

They had a brief vision of Hermione Weasley towering above them, wild hair standing on end, eyes apoplectic with rage….

"Ooh, that's not a nice thought at all." Sirius grimaced. The carriages pulled up to the entrance hall where Professor Longbottom stood watching the second through seventh years walking up the steps.

"Hey Professor," Tonks called out as he walked by.

"Hello Mister Shacklebolt," Longbottom responded cheerily. "Looking forward to your last year?"

"You bet I am, sir,"

Neville Longbottom fluctuated in weight every year due to varying levels of stress. His wife, Lavender Brown Longbottom, came to visit frequently to help him with his tension. This year he was looking better than last year.

"Looks like he's seen a fair few beaches," Sirius commented, nodding in approval as they passed the ornamental winged boars on the steps.

"Good for him," Fro agreed.

"Hey! Hey! Sirius! Sirius!" A small critter of a human tripped up the steps. It was the Creevey twerp. There was almost a visible sign of irritation beginning to weigh on Sirius' face as the third year got closer. Sirius liked attention, that was true, but mostly if the admirers were attractive girls. He tried not to be mean to anyone except for Sarth Snape, but he was obviously an exception to any rule of kindness.

"Hello Christopher," he sighed, waiting reluctantly for the young boy to catch up. Fro and Tonks exchanged a rolling of the eyes. "How was your summer?"

"It was amazing," the small brown-haired boy breathed excitedly, practically shivering. "I found some old pictures of your dad with Gilderoy Lockhart!"

"Wow, that's quite cool,"

"Yes! Yes it is!" His big brown eyes gazed up eagerly at Sirius. "I brought them to school, but they're in my suitcase. I'll show you later!"

"All right then, Christopher,"

"Yo! Tonks, my man!" Robbie Jordan, a seventh year black boy with dreadlocks waved Tonks, Sirius and Fro over.

"See you later, Christopher," Sirius said quickly. The three friends scooted away to leave the small boy to fight his way through the crowd.

"Sup?" Robbie asked as they walked easily through the mass of students into the great hall.

"Same old stuff, pretty much," Tonks responded, seeing the sparkling of golden plates and glowing of candles up ahead. His stomach called out to them, knowing food would soon appear.

"Cool. Hey, I heard there's a new girl this year," Robbie said in a lower tone.

"Reggie?" Tonks scratched his ear.

"Is that her name?" Robbie shook his head. "Is she a babe or a troll?"

"She's a metamorph mage, but she's got a nice bod," Fro said grinning.

"Ooh, another one, eh?"

"Yeah, I know."

The great hall opened up before them, the night sky glittering overhead.

"I see it almost every day, but it always gets me," Fro said, head tossed back to look at it.

"What? Oh, the ceiling?" Robbie looked too. "Yeah, it's cool. I love when it rains and snows in here. It's sweet."

They sat down at the Gryffindor table as the rest of the older Hogwarts students filed in.

"Veronica Davies is looking pretty fine this year," Robbie noticed, looking over at the Ravenclaw table at the hourglass figure of the Ravenclaw Keeper. "Think she'll let me take her to Hogsmeade?"

"Sure, you're a stud," Tonks winked.

Tonks looked up and down the Gryffindor table to see who all was there. Nearly-Headless Nick, pearly and translucent as always, was sitting in a group of third years who were merrily sharing their summer stories. At the staff table he saw Professor Hagrid, Professor Potter, and Professor Weasley chatting away. Old Professor Sprout and Professor Longbottom were engaged in an animated conversation. Professors Sinistra and McGonagall spoke softly as they surveyed the noisy room with their wizened eyes. It had been said that, in her youth, Sinistra had been quite pretty, but Tonks couldn't imagine the white-haired old lady as a beauty.

"What are the first years doing?" Fro moaned, rubbing his belly.

"Albus, you're such a whiner,"

The four of them looked over to see Favian Weasley, Fro's twin sister. She was Head Girl this year, which didn't come as a surprise to anyone. Fro was far from pleased. She wasn't completely anal: it seemed that her father's genes had fared decently in the battle against her mother's neurotic genes. Still, she spent more time studying than was healthy. Her hair was wavy, long and auburn, a mix between the Weasley red and her mother's chestnut, and her eyes were a dark hazel. When she was younger, she had been plagued by a hideous bout of acne which had earned her the name "Troll-Face McZitty." She had never forgiven her cousin, Sirius, for that. Now that she had grown out of her zit stage, she was really quite stunning, not that any of Fro's friends ever mentioned it around him or Sirius.

"Yes, it's true. It's how I deal with stress." Fro said coolly.

"Whatever," Favian rolled her eyes at him. "Look, Mum wanted me to remind you to stop in and see her tomorrow. She has some stuff you forgot at home."

"Right," Fro said, turning red. Favian was about to turn back to her friends when Fro stopped her, "Fav, before I forget, what's the password to our House?"

"Pixie dust," and Favian turned away.

"Sorting Hat," Robbie motioned to the head of the room. Tonks looked to see the ratty old hat sitting on the ceremonial stool.

The hall went silent. Everyone looked towards the entrance to see the frightened line of first years shuffling in. Tonks looked at the line, waiting to see if Reggie was there. She came in from the back, looking a bit nervous at being in front of so many people. Her hair was longer than it had been on the train, a bit shaggier, but it was still violet.

_And she's still really pretty,_ Tonks felt himself thinking.

When all of the first years had come in, the Sorting Hat began to sing, causing a few first years to jump in surprise. Reggie, Tonks saw, raised an eyebrow.

"Double trouble boiling bubble

I find thoughts among your rubble

Are you brave? Are you wise?

Do you oft spread dirty lies?

Do you belong in Gryffindor, home to all the brave?

Or how about in Hufflepuff, with friendships you will save?

Maybe you'd like Ravenclaw, where they all sharpen wit

Or perhaps in striving Slytherin, where the way is brightly lit

Any choices, all are fine

But for now you wait in line

Put me on, have no fear,

For your House mates are all here!"

The hall burst into applause. The song had been blissfully short. They were all very hungry.

Professor Weasley stood by the Sorting Hat and held out a scroll.

"I will call you in alphabetical order. You will sit on the stool and put the Hat on. When you have been Sorted, you may sit at your House table." Weasley cleared her throat.

"Aaronson, Celeste,"

A platinum-haired girl rushed up to the hat and pulled it quickly down.

"RAVENCLAW!"

There was applause from the Ravenclaw table as Celeste trotted over to take a seat next to a brunette girl with the same last name.

"Byron, James,"

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Corby, Yolanda,"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Tonks drummed his fingers a bit impatiently on his knee. He shot a furtive glance at Robbie's watch to see how much time had passed and looked back to the line. Reggie crossed and uncrossed her arms a few times looking uncomfortable. It was easy to spot her over the heads of all the tiny first years. She stood at five foot seven while the tallest first year was about five foot two. Reggie looked over at Tonks just as "Hinckley, Tom," was made into a "HUFFLEPUFF!" She lifted an eyebrow at him and he grinned. Then, out of a random desire to make her laugh, he scrunched his eyes shut and made his nose into a gargantuan conk of a beast. He opened his eyes as "Lithuanian, Jurgis," took a seat at the Gryffindor table. Reggie smiled a little, looking on the verge of laughing. A small giggle escaped her as he wiggled it.

"Kynn, Odin," Professor Weasley read.

A few minutes passed as the dark-haired boy sat beneath the Hat waiting to be sorted. And then….

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Tonks remembered to clap, but he was watching Reggie curiously.

"Malfoy, Regina!"

The hall went silent. Whispers from the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables echoed around the hall.

"Did she say _Malfoy_?"

"You think she's related to him?"

"Does she look like him at all?"

"I can't tell from here-."

People craned in their seats to get a better look.

Reggie strolled slowly up to the hat and put it on with a smooth motion and allowed her face to disappear entirely. Everyone was positive that she would be a Slytherin, everyone that knew that last name, everyone knew she had to be in green like her father, everyone thought this… except for Tonks.

The brim of the hat opened and shouted loudly at the hall.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

No one clapped. Everyone was frozen in their seats in surprise. Reggie removed her hat and raised her eyebrows.

"Don't everyone greet me at once," she muttered.

Tonks started clapping. It took a few seconds for the trend to catch on. Reggie smiled a bit uncertainly and walked over towards their table, looked at the staring Gryffindors, who weren't budging to make room for her.

"Scoot over," Tonks said to Favian's friend, Marina. The blonde did as she was told and gave Reggie room. "Here you are, Reggie."

"Thanks," Reggie said softly.

The Sorting continued and finally finished with "Zabini, Dominique," being put into Slytherin.

Professor McGonagall stood up before the school and smiled kindly.

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. I'm sure this year will prove to be just as good as the rest, if not better. Be sure to observe the rules regarding hours and the forest. Mister Filch has a list of illegal objects, which has been updated to include Fainting Fancies, and Puking Pasties. I shan't keep you any longer. Eat up!" Professor McGonagall sat down slowly. Her steely gray hair was pulled back in a severe bun but her face looked even older with it worn that way.

Food appeared on the golden dishes and everyone helped themselves to their sumptuous dinners.


	4. Mornin' All

"So where do you come from, Regina?" Favian asked politely from over a mound of mashed potatoes.

"Alaska, and the name's Reggie, please," Reggie shoveled a pile of peas into her mouth.

"Ooh, sorry," Favian blushed.

"It's okay, just don't do it again," she grinned. "What about you, you in seventh year too?"

"Yeah, Albus is my brother, actually," she twitched her head to indicate Fro with a mild look of distaste.

Regina's eyebrow's shot up.

"It's Fro, Troll-Face," Fro snapped at his sister.

Favian's eyes became narrow and she hissed something vicious at him.

"Those aren't decent words to be using as Head Girl, are they, Favian?" Fro said in singsong.

"Shut up,"

Dinner transformed into desert, and Tonks couldn't resist a bit of everything. He knew his stomach wouldn't thank him later, but that was okay.

"So you're in Gryffindor, a Malfoy in Gryffindor," Sirius grinned mischievously. "Must be a first."

"It is," Reggie smirked. "Dad'll be pissed out of his mind. He told me that once I realized that I was a Slytherin, I could be a true Malfoy."

"Well, you'll have to change your last name to please him at all,"

"Yesh, to shumthig like," Fro swallowed, "Muggle-Loving-Fool."

When desert was over, Headmistress McGonagall stood before the hall and bid them goodnight.

"First years, you can follow me," Favian said politely over the heads of the Gryffindors. "I'll get you there." She lowered her voice, "you can come with me too, Reg."

Reggie nodded.

Sirius, Fro, Robbie and Tonks went off on their own before the masses of first years could block the way. Down the hallway they traipsed sleepily, talking pleasantly about the year ahead, Quidditch matches they'd read about or seen, and girls.

The Fat Lady, dressed tonight in a dress of golden silk, watched them fondly as they arrived.

"Welcome back, boys," she fluttered her eyelashes at them. "Password?"

"Pixie dust, my lady," Sirius bowed to her.

"What a gentleman! So handsome too!" She swung out of the way and the four boys crawled through.

The fireplace of the common room crackled with warm orange flames that heated the scarlet sofas and gave the room a pleasant and sleepy sort of look. It was nice to be back in the old castle, where the stairs moved and ghosts had free movement. The boys clomped up to the boys' dormitory.

"Top room this year, mates," Fro grinned. "After you, Sir Sirius the Gentleman,"

"So kind," Sirius fluttered his long, dark lashes jokingly and scooted in. Robbie shoved Fro away from the door and bolted in.

"Don't be such a twat, eh?" Fro called after him.

Tonks, grinning mischievously, gave Fro a hand up.

"Thanks, mate,"

"No problem,"

After they changed into their pajamas, brushed their teeth and all those necessaries, the four boys crawled into their four-posters and fell asleep.

The next morning came all too soon for the sleepy seventeen-year-olds.

"Morning must be the absolute worst time of day," Fro muttered as he spooned oatmeal half-heartedly into his mouth. Professor Granger, the head of Gryffindor House, was passing out schedules to each student. Her professional forest green robes swept behind her giving her an air of importance.

"'Lo Mum," Fro said as she handed him his schedule.

"Good morning, Albus," she pursed her lips, disliking that he called her "mum" whilst in school. However, their relations had never stopped her from giving him grades that he very much deserved. "Give this to your sister, won't you?" She handed him an extra one. "Here you are, Mr. Potter, Mr. Jordan, and Mr. Shacklebolt."

"Thanks," Tonks mumbled as he took his schedule. This morning he had kept the same look as he had used yesterday. His eyes were still dark blue and his hair was still a chocolate-y brown. His nose had kept the same shape as he had settled on just the day before. "Aw crap, I have Potions first thing this morning."

Fro looked appraisingly at his sister's. "Favian does too, the prat. I told you, you should have dropped," Fro said smugly and then looked at his own. "Study of Muggles, dull as that is, at least Snape Senior doesn't teach it."

"Me too, mate," Robbie slapped Fro's shoulder. "I _hate _Potions. Professor Tilden may be a bit off sometimes, but he's fair."

"That's just 'cause you almost lost an eye in fifth year," Sirius grinned. "Should have been looking at what you were putting in, not Maureen Turpin's ass-"

"So glad you're having a pleasant conversation as I walk in," Favian sat down next to Tonks and shot Sirius an unusually dirty look.

"You're still sore that I caught you and-."

"You didn't 'catch' anything!" Favian snapped, stabbing a hole through the piece of toast she was trying to butter. Her face was bright pink and clashed with her reddish hair.

"Here's your schedule, little sister," Fro shoved the piece of parchment in front of his sister's face. Favian was too flustered to berate him for calling her "little sister."

"Potions first period," she scoffed. "Good start to my already sunny morning."

"What _did _you catch her doing?" Robbie muttered in Sirius's ear.

Sirius looked at Favian quickly, who was deeply engrossed in her schedule. "I'll tell you later," he whispered back.

"Where's Reggie?" Tonks asked before Favian could ask what they were muttering about.

Favian blanched. "Oh no! I'll bet she's lost somewhere!" She shot out of her seat and ran down the hall.

"Good thinking, Tonks," Fro slapped Tonks' back. "You got rid of her,"

Tonks grinned. That hadn't been his intention, but no reason to voice it.

"Now is later, Sirius," Robbie said quickly. "She may be back soon."

Sirius looked over his shoulder and then leaned in. "You know how we live in my dad's godfather's old house, right?"

"Yeah, headquarters for the Order," Tonks waved for him to move on. Of course he and Fro knew perfectly well, after all their parents were avidly involved. Robbie had a pretty good idea of what that all meant too. He was one of their best buds; he had to be clued in on _some_ things.

"_Well,_ I don't know if you remember that bloke from France who came to stay with us over the summer…."

"Beau Delacourt?" Fro looked disgusted.

Sirius's face began to spread in an eager grin. "I guess he was giving her some _French _lessons."

"Oh no- no, no, NO! Get out of my head!" Fro clutched the sides of his skull and squeezed his eyes shut in misery. "Favian and the Frog? That is _horrible._"

"I must say, I thought it was rather fun to watch," Sirius sat back and crossed his arms lazily.

"Sirius! She's your _cousin!_" Robbie laughed.

Sirius sat up in revulsion. "I didn't mean that, you twit!"

"Sure, you incestuous pig. I remember when you saw her in the beginning of last year-."

"I hadn't seen her all summer! I didn't recognize her!"

"-and her boobs were-."

"AGH! You shut up! You're both disgusting!" Fro ducked under the table and started reciting the twelve uses of dragon's blood with his fingers in his ears.

Tonks pat his back comfortingly, looking around the hall at the same time, half hoping he might catch a glimpse of Reggie before he finished breakfast. Ronald Yatzquitz, a fourth year Hufflepuff, was staring at Janeen Massey as she bent over to retrieve her dropped quill.

"You two really are disgusting, he's right," Tonks laughed. "Even I would never leer at one of my cousins."

"Tonks," Robbie said matter-of-factly, "all your cousins are either dead or in Azkaban."

"But the point remains,"

Fro sat up and unplugged his ears carefully.

"Well, now that your done trying to blow yourself-."

"Oh shut up, Sirius."

Once they had finished breakfast, they were about to leave when Reggie and Favian returned. They were followed by three lost first years. Reggie's cheeks were pink with embarrassment. Today her hair was pulled back in a loose bun that framed a softer looking face. However, her eyes were still the same icy blue. Favian was stopped by her fellow Gryffindor friends, Valerie and Ayumi. Ayumi had dated Sirius for a few months. Over the chatter of the Great Hall, the friends caught some of what was being said. Ayumi smiled kindly at Reggie and mentioned something about being a metamorph mage too. Reggie just smiled and nodded, not looking all that interested.

"Should we head to first period?" Robbie asked Fro.

"Yeah, see you later guys," Fro eyed his sister, looking on the verge of being sick. He bolted off, barely pausing to grab his stuff. Robbie shot a sly grin over his shoulder and followed.

"Boys," Tonks clicked his tongue.

However, Reggie did not head for the Gryffindor table but towards the staff table. Professor Granger smiled at her while Professor Potter gave her an odd look. Reggie and Granger chatted for a few minutes before she took her schedule and headed to the table with Favian, Ayumi and Valerie. Tonks made a show of placing his spoon in his bowl just so and draining his already empty glass of water. Sirius didn't notice, doing the same himself.

"Maybe we should go now," Tonks said abruptly.

Sirius looked startled. "Really?"

"Yeah… er… we don't want to be late. You know how Old Snape-y is," Tonks laughed forcedly.

"Er… yeah," Sirius shot a glance at Reggie. "Yeah, I guess you're right-."

"You guys aren't leaving, are you?" Favian asked brusquely.

"Of course not," Tonks and Sirius chimed.

Favian jumped a bit in surprise. "Er- good. I mean to say… all right." She took her seat back. Reggie was staring at her schedule as she sat down, looking a bit overwhelmed.

"Are you okay?" Ayumi asked in concern, sloe-eyes getting larger. Metamorph mage though she was, she tended to stick to her Japanese origins, though her eyes were a sparkling gray color.

"Huh? Oh yeah… it's just this school is so… big," Reggie shrugged. Then she grinned, covering any signs of confusion that she'd shown before. "But all that wandering around and getting lost has me starving. What's that gray stuff?"

"The oatmeal?" Valerie lifted a thick eyebrow. Fro swore that the girl had werewolf blood.

"Oh, just making sure it wasn't something gross like haggis _de matin_ or something," she scooped some oatmeal into her mouth and then looked at Tonks and Sirius as though for the first time. "What class do you have this morning?"

"Potions," they chimed.

She swallowed some more oatmeal. "Where's the curly guy? Fro?"

"Muggle Studies," Favian said.

"Didn't you say your mom was Muggle-born?" Reggie was frowning.

Ayumi giggled. "Well, Fro is kind of lazy. I think he's just taking it for the easy grade."

"He is," Favian grumbled, tearing the crusts off of her toast and putting them bit by bit into her mouth until little black crumbs lined the plate and her fingers.

"Oh, here comes the swine squad," Sirius muttered.

Tonks looked up and saw four Slytherin boys coming their way. Sarth Snape, Archibald McAllister, Vlad Rasputin, and Haruki Miyano. Slytherins were not generally known for their devious good-looks, and this particular group had a fifty-fifty attractiveness. Archibald had greasy yellow hair and squinty yellow eyes to match. He was wiry and tall with a greasy face full of acne. Vlad had been gifted in the looks department, with a large black unibrow that nearly stretched across his entire forehead. Where Archibald was tall and skinny, Vlad was short and wide, but not with fat. To compensate for his lack in height, Vlad spent a good deal of his time lifting weights and getting muscular. It only added to his trollish appearance.

Though Gryffindors hated to admit it, particularly male Gryffindors, Sarth and Haruki were not half-bad when it came to how handsome they were. Haruki, being of Japanese decent, had a certain grace about him that few males had. His face was pleasant, smooth, and cunning. One girl went so far as to describe him has "drop dead sexy" at which Sirius had feigned gagging himself in revulsion. Sarth had dark hair, dark eyes, a square jaw and broad shoulders. Somehow he had managed to overcome his father's greasy-hair gene and seemed to have pretty decent hygiene overall. A jerk was still a jerk, good-looking or not.

"Do you have a reason for standing so near?" Sirius asked irritably.

"I just wanted to find out which classes I have the misfortune of sharing with you," Snape sneered. He grabbed Favian's schedule and looked over it, comparing. Favian didn't object, to Tonks' surprise, but looked up curiously instead. He threw it back down at her.

"How many?" Favian asked, lip curling slightly.

"All of them," it sounded painful. "Gryffindors galore."

"What makes you think we have the same classes as Favian?" Sirius asked.

"You all stick so close together, it's pathetic," Sarth said. He strolled off.

"That was weird,"

"Let me look at your schedule," Sirius grabbed it and compared it to his. "Well, good thing we don't take Runes or Arithmancy, eh, Tonks? Wait, you take Arithmancy, don't you? At least _I_ have some sense. And I dropped History of Magic too, so that's one less."

"You dropped history?" Favian asked in amazement, grabbing his schedule as though to verify the fact. "But history is _important!_"

"Not unless you teach the ruddy stuff," Sirius disagreed.

"And it's boring," Tonks put in.

"But _you _didn't drop it," Favian said. "Did you?"

"I didn't," Tonks shrugged. "My mum almost had an aneurysm when I dropped Runes and Astronomy, so I didn't want to try to drop another."

"You dropped… and…?" Favian couldn't believe it.

"We're not _all _overachievers," Sirius pointed out.

"You're right. Some of us don't achieve _anything_," Favian spat back, looking distinctly pink at the ears.

"Okay, you guys," Reggie interjected, smiling cheerily. "Enough's enough already. Let's get to class."


	5. Chemistry

**T**he dungeons had never been known for their cheeriness or warmth. It had an eerie green glow that reflected off of all the pickled animals in jars that had accumulated over the years. Manacles and chains remained on the wall. It had been Fro's disgusting theory that Professor Snape was into sadistic-masochistic type relationships, while Tonks had logically asserted that it was probable that this had actually been a dungeon in its day.

Most newcomers to the dungeons were nervous or trembling, but Regina Malfoy clearly was unimpressed. Tonks watched her expression carefully looking for some sign of fear but saw none. Sirius elbowed Tonks in the ribcage.

"Stop ogling the newbie," he muttered.

Tonks grinned. "Who said I was ogling her?"

"Well, she is wicked attractive," Sirius smiled. "Man, I'm surprised there's only ten of us. Four Gryffindors, only two Slytherins, three Ravenclaws and one Hufflepuff. Bet the prof isn't pleased with the abundance of Gryffindors."

"I'm just surprised there aren't more snakes in here," Tonks said. "I would have thought they would be too eager to have Snape as a teacher again."

Professor Snape swept in to stand at the front of the classroom. His hair had turned a steel-gray color over the years but the grease in his flesh seemed to have preserved his sallow skin from becoming wrinkly.

"Welcome to the most difficult course in Potions you will ever take," he breathed, causing everyone to lean in to catch what he was saying. "Here you will learn much more complex potion-making than you have ever experienced in your lives. The N.E.W.T.'s are not easy tests no matter how hard you work, and if you do not work in my class, do not doubt that I will throw you out in an instant. I refuse to waste my time on unwilling students." He glanced at Sirius and Tonks. "I assume you have all brought with you your advanced potions textbook." He looked around. "What are you waiting for? Pull them out!" He snapped. Everyone rifled through their bags quickly. "Today we shall be starting the Polyjuice Potion, a dangerous potion that causes the drinker to take on the appearance of another person. Open up to page one-forty-two and you will find the directions. Homework for this week shall be to work on this potion; my dungeon will be open to all advanced students until ten at night. I also will be expecting an essay on the causes of the potion, due next Monday.

"Now, I will be pairing you up and your partner will be the same for the duration of the year. You will work together in and out of class for my subject. I expect equal amounts of work and will, I assure you, know how much you have put in."

Sirius slumped down in his seat, looking deeply disappointed. He and Tonks had been planning on being partners. Now they'd probably be paired with someone unbearable like Haruki or Sarth.

"Haruki Miyano and Theodore Wise; Maureen Turpin and Sirius Potter;" Professor Snape looked at Sirius with a sneer. Maureen had visibly blushed. "Artemis Shacklebolt and Regina Malfoy," Snape looked over at the violet-haired girl with a curious expression. "Sean Biggerstaff and Daisy White; Sarth Snape and Favian Weasley."

Favian rubbed her temples and closed her eyes.

"Get with your partner and start working at once. You know where the materials are." Snape sat at his desk and began writing something.

Tonks couldn't believe his luck. He was partnered with Reggie!

"He went boy-girl," Sirius muttered as they gathered their things. "I'm shocked."

"Haruki and Theodore?" Tonks raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, Haruki's really a girl, he just doesn't know it yet."

Tonks snorted.

Reggie and he stood together at a cauldron and began assembling ingredients.

"I wasn't expecting to make Polyjuice this year," Reggie explained to Tonks after they had made sure all of the ingredients for the first day were there.

"Why's that?" Tonks asked, skinning a boomslang.

"Well, I made it last year at King George's for the final."

"Excellent," Tonks grinned.

Reggie's eyes narrowed. "You'll still be working."

"Of course," Tonks lifted a brow. "I'm not that lazy."

"Oh, all right."

Professor Snape got up in the middle of the period to inspect how far along they were. He made no comments at all and looked at the hourglass on his desk.

"Miss Malfoy," Snape came over to Reggie. "You are unusually efficient, just as your father was," Reggie looked like she was going to be sick. "If Mr. Shacklebolt is not holding up with his duties, please feel free to come to me. I will understand."

"Of course, Professor," Reggie forced a smile.

"Don't do that," Favian scolded Sarth. "You grind it like that and it'll stain the cauldron later."

"Don't whine, Weasley, it's not becoming,"

Tonks looked over and saw Sarth did start grinding the beetle eyes properly.

At the end of the period, they put their potions in the back of the classroom to stew for a bit. Reggie and Tonks agreed to meet in their common room after dinner to start work on their essay. Haruki was sneering at Theodore, who had dropped his round glasses into the cauldron.

"Nice move, Wise," Haruki flicked his wand and withdrew the unharmed spectacle from the potion. "You're lucky we haven't started boiling yet or your glasses would no longer be in this shape."

Theodore jammed them back onto his face and glared at Haruki.

Maureen Turpin giggled as Sirius and she strolled out together, discussing times to meet and "do homework."

"He's a player," Reggie noted as she, Favian and Tonks followed Sirius to Charms.

"So you noticed," Favian said irritably. Behind them walked Sarth and Haruki, speaking in Japanese. Favian lowered her voice, "I hate that they do that," she hissed to Tonks, "It always seems like they're saying something horrid about me. And why do I have to partner with the Potions teacher's bloody son?"

"Maybe Sarth fancies you," Reggie said casually.

Tonks started laughing and Favian looked blown away by such a preposterous idea.

Sirius and Maureen split up as Maureen and her friend Rhonda met up.

"What's the giggle fest back here?" He asked coolly but was clearly feeling a bit left out.

Tonks told Sirius what Reggie had said and Sirius started laughing too.

"It's not that funny," Favian snapped, as they took the stairs up to the third floor, pushing their way through a cluster of Ravenclaw third years.

"Fave," Sirius rested a hand on her shoulder. "It really is."

"Why? Is it so impossible that a Slytherin might find me attractive?" Favian was turning red again.

"Favian, it's against their rules," Tonks explained. "It just doesn't happen. They date other Slytherins or Ravenclaws. Never lions or badgers."

Sirius started grinning as they walked into Flitwick's room. "Can you imagine Old Snape-y's face if Favian and Sarth-?"

They started howling with laughter again.

"Nice going, Reggie," Favian muttered. "Now we'll never hear the end of it."

Indeed, once Fro and Robbie joined up with them again, they returned to hysterics. Favian soon took off with Reggie and Ayumi to work in the library. Not surprisingly, they had a fair bit of homework to be getting on with, and knowing Favian, she was grateful for it.

"Right lads, to the drawing boards," Tonks clapped his hands together.

"You aren't all still on about that bordello idea, are you?" Robbie smirked at them.

"Of course we are," Fro said quite seriously. "Think about all the metamorphic mages and how much money we could make…!"

"And the girls," Sirius threw in for good measure.

Robbie shook his head and looked back to his parchment. "Well, I rather thought you would have grown out of that idea. For one, it's not considered exactly moral by society. For another much more important fact, it's not completely legal either."

"We know that," Tonks rolled his eyes.

"Just think about it, that's all I'm saying," Robbie shrugged.

**T**he first week wreaked havoc on advanced students' schedules and lives. It seemed nearly impossible for a teacher to take a breath without doling out more homework. Tonks observed that Reggie was taking it all very well, seeming almost bored with the workload. Quidditch season was fast approaching, and as Sirius, Fro, and Favian were all on the team, it seemed that their schedule was to become a lot more hazardous. Tonks hadn't been interested in playing Quidditch because of his distrust for broomsticks. When at age eight his mother had deemed him ready to try her old Nimbus 2001, the broom had malfunctioned due to some twig imbalance and he had broken his arm.

It had surprised Fro and Sirius that Favian had also tried out for the team in second year. Tonks suspected that little Troll-Face Weasley wanted to fit in as easily as her brother did. However, Favian was a dutiful Keeper and rarely missed the goals. Fro was a Beater, his red hair on more than one occasion acting as a helmet. Sirius was the lead Chaser, considered by many students the best Chaser Hogwarts had. Their captain from last year, Maleke Thomson, had told Sirius on more than one occasion that he had a responsibility to play for England when he graduated. Sirius's already swollen head sucked it in and kept it. It came as no revelation when Sirius became Quidditch captain for that year.

Quidditch try-outs would be on the Friday of the following week. Reggie confided in Tonks that she hadn't the slightest interest in playing for the team at the risk of making her father proud. Tonks immediately informed her that any ambition to disappoint a parent was a noble ambition indeed.

Friday was a rainy day throughout, so when Sirius, Fro and Favian trouped in together, they left a sopping mess on the common room floor. Tonks and Robbie looked up from their Transfiguration homework curiously.

"Success," Sirius said, dropping down next to Tonks on the sofa.

"You smell like a wet dog, mate," Robbie said casually.

Sirius ignored him. "We've got a repeat of my dad,"

"What?" Tonks and Robbie chimed.

"Yeah, little Odin Kynn was announced by Granger herself as an amazing flier and is our new Chaser. He's just as good as Erin, so kudos to him."

"But is he as good as you?" Tonks asked slyly.

"Oh, and one more thing," Sirius turned a bit pink as he pretended Tonks hadn't asked anything. "You know the fourth year Meghan Lenhardt?"

"The cute blonde girl?" Robbie asked.

"She's our new Beater," Fro said, still looking shell-shocked. "Tiny little thing, but that girl has a swing and a grunt like you've never heard-."

"It was rather amazing," Favian agreed, wiping water off of her forehead with her damp sleeve. "She's so petite but I wouldn't want to be in the way of her bat."

"Who's Seeker?" Tonks asked.

"Karyn Hazlet," the three Quidditch players chimed.

"She is going to win us the Cup with that Wronski Feint going for her-."

"She could fly faster than you could see!" Fro emphasized by winging his hand across his face. "_Whoosh_!"

"And she's only a second year. She's got so much talent already," Favian sat back and marveled.

"Your team is most females this year," Robbie noted. "I will definitely have fun commentating."

Favian's face darkened. "Erin and I find that mildly distracting-."

"Oh Fave, there's new flesh. Don't you worry about it," Robbie winked.

Erin Anderson, Meghan Lenhardt, Karyn Hazlet and Odin Kynn came in through the portrait hole grinning. Erin and Meghan were good friends, both in the same year, so it was clear why Erin would be so happy. Meghan was quiet but made witty remarks that left people wondering what had hit them. Her hair was thick and bushy but took on a brownish sheen when wet. Karyn was slight, like Meghan, but she was dark-haired and fair-skinned and generally ignored, mostly by choice. She was shy but intelligent. Odin had dark, pensive eyes and black, curling hair. For his age, he was tall and it was clear that he would one day be robust as well as tall.

Sirius smiled back at them.

"That's my team," he said softly. "We are going to be amazing."


End file.
